Sleep myth #3: CPAP isn’t sexy

Many assume that CPAP is unattractive, or at least fear that their partner will think so. But the fact is: CPAP can actually strengthen your marriage. That’s what happened for ResMed’s own Clinical Specialist and CPAP user Nancy Brewer and her husband, Pete.

This week, Nancy is sharing her personal story with all of us because, as she puts it: “We fear what we don’t understand. I want people to understand that CPAP can extend the time you spend with your spouse and the quality of that time. Nothing is more romantic than that.”

ResMed: Before CPAP, what was your intimate relationship with your husband like?

Nancy: Honestly, it was steadily becoming less so. All I wanted to do was sleep. When I had untreated OSA, I was so tired at the end of the day, Pete and I often spent little time awake together at all, romantic or otherwise. He gets home from work at 6pm. After cooking everyone dinner, eating and helping our then-teenage kids with homework, I would usually pass out on the couch around 8. Pete would then wake me up to come to bed at 9 or 10. Oftentimes, those 10–15 groggy minutes would be the most time we’d have alone together.

Don’t get me wrong: Pete and I have always been intimate. But over time, we just made less and less time for it, which we owed to our tiredness.

ResMed: You were both tired?

Nancy: Sure! Not only was I sleep deprived from the OSA, but I snored really loudly for years, which would keep Pete up. Snoring can often drive couples to sleep in separate rooms, which can cause feelings of guilt, dissatisfaction and deep marital tension.

But in our case, Pete is so loving and supportive of me that he’s always just stayed in bed with me and just accepted my snoring – and his sleep suffered too. Oftentimes, an acceptance of a loved one’s snoring can remove that common motivation (marital tension) to get tested for and treat a serious sleep disorder.

ResMed: You’ve used CPAP since you were diagnosed in 2008. Why do you say it’s “sexy”?

Nancy: CPAP is proven to increase users’ libido.¹And besides, you’re not in the mood if you can’t stay awake, right? Pete and I are finally both getting the sleep we need to last the day and still want to be with each other after dinner. And that means sex as well as time talking and watching our favorite shows together. We even started traveling more, a lifelong passion we’ve shared. CPAP has given us back an incredibly important block of time that OSA was slowly stealing away from us.

I get that CPAP isn’t a sexy thing to wear. But you don’t wear it during sex. Couples can still be intimate and then prepare for restful sleep. Maybe you can’t cuddle face-to-face as easily, but you can still cuddle. Maybe there’s a faint hissing sound of dispensed CPAP air, but that beats any snore. Far from turning off a partner, CPAP should be embraced as another tool that gives us more time and energy to be together.

CPAP has given me back countless quality hours with my incredibly loving and accepting husband. I think that’s pretty sexy.